jing Jing’s Blog

这种感觉很难以形容，或许用文字可稍稍抒发那种难受感。。。

当动物受伤时都会有逃离那种伤害的本能，但我何时才会懂得用？

已经不是第一次，而且连我自己都不记得是第几次了，那样的话，那样的行为，渐渐地让人难以忍耐。很想逃开，但我的心却被紧绑着，脚也踏不出离开的那一步。就这样一直一直的忍耐着，没有人知道其实我的心已被伤透了。对一个人好却得不到同等回报时的感觉真的不好，当最基本的对待的不到时，那样的感觉更是无比的难受。

我的要求并不是很高，就只是最基本的尊重和爱护，这样也无法做到吗？更让人心碎的是那种无理的辱骂，问题是我根本没做错。真的很不好受。他几时才能懂自己的蛮不讲理？几时才会知道他应该对我更好？我有机会等到他改变吗？其实我知道这是不可能的，但还是傻傻的一直等着，真的希望他在我彻底心灰意冷之前觉悟，因为我真的不想离开。

而我这颗受伤的心到底能等到多久？我希望他不会让我等太久，因为一颗受伤的心会有可能这样的慢慢死去，不过我期待会有被治愈的一天。

傻女傻女。。。

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something irritating happened! i cant deny, i m indeed unhapi v dat!
i found ppl can be so crazy critisizing ppl w/o thinking that he is actuali that kind of person. wat s cover v mask?? is that mean pretentious?? i m not saying dat we dun have to be sincere, but to be sincere is a vy hard thg… whn i stepped into universiti, i learnt this! ppl wont be always sincere n faithful to u… bcz of my innocence, i tot ppl r always nice… i got hurt bcz of the problem of sincerity… i found pple dislike me but pretend good to me… at dat time, i felt sad bcz of they were dislike me, and angry that y thy still want to treat me good… i was confused… however, as time goes by… i found, its necessary that we pretend at some moment… my fren pretend good to me instead of telling me truth, this is actually a gd choice, bcz this prevent quarrel…at least we still can be frenz… if not, we will be enemies… now, this matter bcm betta since i have learnt the lesson… howver,the problems of sincerity does not end like this… another person is thinking that we r pretentious! i wonder y this person will say like dat… at least, among me n my frenz, we feel comfortable to be tgt… thn  som busybody ppl come n critic us… if reli want to be sincere, i dun thk he is sincere also…unhappy v us also din say, dislike us oso din say… thn come n say us wearing mask! so ridiculous! that person has no right to say ppl ba! i wonder, if we do everythg according to our feeling, how this world will be?? if a person unhappy v som1 else, does dat person kill or hit that person he dislike to show sincerity? if u work v ur boss, but u dislike him, will u tell u boss i hate u?? so it is impossible for a person to be 100% sincere n honest! wat i unhapi is, i din pretend and being said to be pretentios…i hate those ppl who always thk he is right n others are wrong!

i can say, stay at home is really bored as my dear friends are busy with their own things. no one accompany me… so sad… haiz… recently is quite unhappy because of many reasons…although thay r just small maters…adding up with all the small matters is enough to make me sad… untill now, i still don’t know what do i really want. what am i persuing and what am i living for… just attend to class everyday and passed my days as a student… returning home, i meet an uncle that is really bad, a super proud person that i haven ever seen. my dad’s friend. whenevr seeing me,he will definitely insult me, just because i m a upm student studyig duno what course call microbiology. i m vey angry with that, because i feel he is wrong. he shouldnt have said pple lke that.say what useless to study a course like dat, and what shouldnt study in malaysian university. crazy… what can i say that is he is vry stupid, a low educated old guy saying the words like dat and his own sons and daughters are also not vey clever:P haiz… i am just blaming myself that cant be a good daughter that my parents can proud of, if i m a medic student, that uncle will not say me like dat… of course, feeling sad for cant get medic and insult from dat kind of person is reli a foolish action, but i cant deny that my mood is affected a bit bcz of dat. i m thinking of changing course, but is impossible i think. the financial problems. so i will guai guai stay in microbiology. remember my friend’s words- dun bother abou what othr thks abou u, do what u thk is correct, heading to ur target… i reli duno what will i be in the future, but i dcided, be myself, do my best…this is the only thing that i can do  ba…

*********************************low mood******************************

wow! goin to start school again…UPM… a new place to go, a new kind of life to start… looking forward for tat but quite nervous oso… knowing dat i got the university, actuali quite disappointed… but instead of annoying the thing dat cannot be changed, i decided to accept and do it v my best… hoping dat i can be some1 useful in the society and be a gd daughter dat my parents proud of…nothing much to write… :p another worry is duno will be bully or not, afraid of meeting bad pple…haiz…and oso lost the way… since i m no longer a child, i think i hav to overcome it by myself (but if u see me lost in KL plz come and help me :p)…hehe…going to leave pontian again, definitely will miss my dear frenz here muc and oso my matrik frenz…cz not in the same U…so sad…waa…waa… ok la, dun wan loso loso here liao…gud luck for me…:p pray for me…

***********************************lucky girl************************************

started from dat second, that slut will no longer be our famili member anymore! i will never forget the bad thg dat she did to me, and, my mum! never forgive her! SLUT! Hate her from the bottom of my heart! curse her! bad and mad dog! bitch! moct lousy women in this world! cheap and low class, beast! no manners! this rubbish person shall not life in this world! better vanish from here!!!

finally it comes to the end of my matriculation programme. feelin free staying at home now and somehow, miss the life in KMPh. i used to be very busy stayin and study there, untill i do not have enough time to enjoy my meals, unable to sleep for enough hours and even talk and chit-chating v my frenz there.

10 months seem a long time to go, but it passes fast… many things happen and make every1 grow up. transformation, my fren said. i still can remember clearly the first day all we met clearly, juz like a little gal first time leaving home, i see their helpless and nervous faces, so as me. i saw some of them crying, i saw them shed tears for homesick. this is the first day i saw them. but, as time passes, i started to see their sweet smiles and cheeful faces. they started to get used to new environment and found new frenz. life is becoming more enjoyable and interesting…

i can say, frenz are reli important during dat time. this is wat that cant be denied. we created so much memories that belong to us. from the very beginning orientation week until the last second we leave there. we share our joy and sorrow to each other, stay by their side when they are unhappy. i m glad that being one member of block B2. the ‘penghuni’ there are owaz the most friendly and kind one. yahwee, ksien,Lpeng, ah hean, Qiying, Yping, shy shy, Mshi,Exuan,Djie,Qhui, Shui, ah joe, alice, nana,hxin, yuan and my roomates and many many more…

they color and lighten up my life in kmph. every incident and event are still remembered. the mid autum nite- we played under our block, then shift to the netball field. we attracted mant other chinese students and also malay frenz to join us. in the end, all of us take the lantern strolling around the school compound. some of our frenship start from this. after that, we bcm more and more close to each other, gathering comes one another. we never forget our friend’s ‘big day’. making cards, sending presents and birthday cakes. blessin them with to most sincere heart.

during exam period, we study together. bilik rekreasi- our ‘tapak perhimpunan’. i join ksien, Lpeng and yhwee, burn the mid nite oil tgt. then bcm more ‘re nao’ v the comin of hxin, Exuan, yuan and sometimes nana, joe, alice, hean and… still remember our ‘bad habit’, eat supper when it comes to 12am to 1am. our maggie meals. me and ksien donated our instant mee for our frenz. stm, my very best fren- peh yi oso join us. her favourite ‘Ruski tomyam’ also inside.

Finallly, we sat for our first sem exam, muet. another happy event taken place. 19 girls trip… heading Genting highland. 6 pple crowded in small 1st world room. screaming on roller caster and watching concert. very full and delicious buffet in highland- me py ks and hwee.

sem 2- very busy and challeging sem. unfamiliar organic chemistry, complicated mathemathics and heavy burden of biodiversity… making us stress. however, it never defeat us, with strong determination, we work hard tgt. revise tgt. at the same time, another important event for all the chinese students is carrying out also. our CNY Celebration nite- YUAN LAI CHUN DAO LE! ^^ actively, i join the programming group, and given 80’s retro dance as my responsibility and also my gd sis- yahwee. we tot is should be loved, but much problems come one another. many complaints, discontent and criticisms. but we never give up, we tried our best and work the hardest. at last, we gain applause! so touching when we hear som1 like our show. and thanks to all the cooperation of our members~wanqin, soo, pehyi, shan shan, si mei, anna, binbin, xiu zhu, jinyan, kaihao,jinhui, panglong, kok wei, min yet, kok siong, run hao and fangqiang and never give up leader~ yahwee^^ u are the best:P

with the end of that CNY nite, we started for the preparation of the final exam. then we spend the most precious lastfew weeks tgt also. then, comes to the end of our matric life~20 APR. we bye bye to our dear frenzz with hundred and thousands of unwillingness:(

lastly, i hav to say that, i m reli glad happy and honoured to be one of the member of kmph!

finally passed my test…but terrible thing happened…so sad…the question actuali not difficult, and i got the easiest i think….but still cant do well….speechless when individual presentation….my god!so disappointed with my performance..din expect i will do such a bad thing….waa….. haiz….meaningless to annoy here and there….hope myself can do better in writtin n listenin test that will be coming soon…this is the onli way to save my marhks…..haiz… pray for me….

quite unhappy during these days…duno what had actaully happen to make me feel like that…really feel myself silly..cant stand of myself..hate myself…simply thinking of the things that shoudnt think,then trouble myself with simple sheer small problems, trap myself in unhappiness… life become so dull because of that.. dun hav any spirit in doin anything, cannot concerntrate in study… terrible… why like this??? i dun wish to be like this anymore… what can i do to prevent myself from thinking too much?

this is the question that had troubled me for many days…i keep thinking that am i really that ignorant and naive? or it is just because i m too silly….?i really cant find out the answer.. i feel so miserable and even a bit frustrated that why i always cant undestand what is others thinking and do not knw that what are their motives..i m not trying to be humble, in fact i dun think there is any thing that i m worth to be taken motive by others..but i wonder why i m always the ‘victim’ of bein played and tricked? i reali upset that havin this kind of fate…sigh… this is not the first time..thats y i am so desperate..i hate myself that being so simple-minded, do not know anything about humans thinkin and duno how to judge a person… i duno who is kind person and who are bad pple.. thats y i awaz get hurt..is it because of my silliness and stupidness??? i admit, i m not a clever person… but is it wrong that i do not understand someone? to me, to understand a person is not an easy task, we need time to know a person well, maybe months, years, or maybe longer…besides that, i m rather upset also for indecisive whenever making a desision.. easily get affected by others.. normally, my close friends would direct me, tell me what to do… this time, they say the person is not a good person, and even just playing me and hurting me… say frankly, i do not know their words is true or not, bcz i m lost now.i duno what to do.and cnt think of anythg…indeed thoughtless..i duno y the person treat me like that…. actuali that person had done nth, but i just cant help feelin disappoited towards the words that the peron says. unexpected that the person would say this kind of words… i duno whats the problems between us now..i dun mean to ignore the person actuali, it is just bcz i duno how to face that person, i duno what to say to that person, i m afraid to utter any wrong words that would make further unhappiness and mistakes… and can an apologise heal the wound that has been made? not blaming anyone or expressing any anger, even myself duno how am i feelin now..angry? sad? disappointed? i reali duno.. i hate this kind of me, hate the situation now…when can i encounter these weaknesses? i reli dun wish to be like this anymore… last question, should i trust that person and forgive that person??……………..

*********************CONFUSED**************************

hihi..dear viewers to my blog…i stm wonder who has visited my blog…but couldnt find a way to trace that who u are actuali…curiosity awaz frustrate me yo..hehe…so,, i eagerly hope that u can simply leave a message or comment to me..so tat i can knw who u are…thanks ya! ur cooperative is appreciated..^.^